Backgammon and billboards
Driveways and trains
You say
About to spray
Hair Glue into my lungs
I plug these face valves
With some stale perfume water towel
I wonder where they foraged this scent from
How deep in the ground
Or the watershed lab they created this petrol skin in
When Daniel and I were on a plane from Denver
To Boston
He told me about the way they tell you to put your head between your legs so your spine breaks on impact
Yes I'm coming in for drinks
No I'm not taking the bus back to the hotel
He told me they did that for insurance purposes
They lose less money when everyone spine cracks on the tray table that folds down
Like everyone else you remind me that it’s more dangerous to get in a car
But there’s something about being in a metal tube in the sky with no where to go
Helpless
Accepting the helplessness
To get from point A to point C
To go through the motions
Or raising glasses over and over again
And hear the band cover
Don't Stop Believing
While you curl up in the corner close to the heater
The summer’s ending and it's getting cold now
I eat the pumpkin cake so as to not feel the emptiness of the drooping eye lids and the headlights hitting these back roads
We’ve been waiting our whole life for this day
You’ve been waiting your whole life for this day
How is it?
Now that it’s here?
Does the milk taste like champagne ?
Do you remember the sound of the rain on your skin?
Or the feeling of hours slipping away down your back
While you open ruffle chips at your desk
And make jokes with the boys in the cubicle across from you
After 3 months you learn how to make jokes that make you feel connected from them but more disconnected from yourself and the renovated apartment you live in on 25th street
I know your fiance keeps looking at me
Wondering what it would be like to live inside his life
Instead of crossing canal street with sirens pressing through his skin
I wonder if falling asleep with you
Over and over again
Would trap me in a tailspin
If falling asleep with you would
Pin me against the wall of the skyscraper
Like turning the corner on 7th Ave. towards the store that sold chocolate bars for 9 dollars
I would giver her two squares when she asked
Now you bring these over after you press yourself into me far too quickly
And cum into a latex parachute
To protect us from hitting the ground of each other too soon
To protect me from becoming one with
The earth
You
From which
I came
This is a long way of saying
I don't know
I don't know what I don't know
In some ways I don't know what I want
But I want to know
And I want to want
I want to know the road where my chest opens
Where breath flows through me
Easy
Where the pine needles
Whisper to me like these old childhood sheets I cross my tears into
Being a mother is hard you tell me
Tumors in her brain
And she slips out of you
There are no words to explain the past two years
There are no words to explain how your cervix rips
How they sew it back up
How I leak life out of me
You walk off the bus in your heels
Your mother asks me if everyone is having fun
She slurs whiskey smile eyes uncertainty
Affirm me
I do
Oh yes
Everyone is having a great time
There are no words for the high dive
There are no words for the questions in the corners of my garage
Will we get a dog?
Will we do the thing I’ve been trying not to do?
Will things become simple?
Will I forget why I came here?
Will she stop walking across white painted blocks?
Light boxes with red hands
Yellow laughing sidewalk leggos
Then you call